Blog#5

Today I was about to blow a gascett. I seriously wanted to slack anyone of a number of people. Starting withmy mother. My brother came in a close second and then there's a list as long as my arm. I wound up walking away from them all.One at a time I had miner face time with each of them. All lying, all full of shit and my brother just doesn't want to hear anything, no matter how wrong he is. He even said "Yeah, I'll take one" when I asked him if he was going to buy cigarettes?
I walked away and wanted to scream cause its that way with them all. They will take whatever they can get. Forget about any work involved. It's take, take, take. And I'm spent. I'm 50 and these people have sucked me dry emotionally. I don't care, I don't want to hear or know about anything from anyone. It seems as though if I'm gonna save any money I need to move away. Cause I find that I say no about 15 times, just while taking a simple walk. Even the homeless cats try chipping away at me.
All this and I'm hardly rich. What I mean is I'm not by any means living on the lap of luxory. I eat well, have the things that make me comfortable. But, I'm not taking any limos. Or vacationing at the South of France.
I need to stop this bullshit whining grow a set and tell these people to fuck off. They wont give me a dime when I'm busted, So I need to put things in perspective and just say no. Forget about polite. They sure as hell aren't polite. To hell with there feelings.Just like I get my ass up and put in 12 hr. shifts, so can they, and if not it ain't my problem. And fuck it, I'm not here to pay for anyones dope, coke, beer or cigarettes.
In my mind I'm in this lovely place. I feel wonderful. I hold my head high and take deep breaths. I feel like a king. These blogs help me to keep writing, twitter keeps me growing with all the info and stimulus that I get. And on occassion I have dialog with folks. I dont do chat rooms cause I don't need hookers or chicks that are looking to get there bills paid or a plane ticket, etc. Way too much bull.
And more then anything I'm learning. After all the crap I've gone through with my health issues, I'm so happy that it'll all get worked out. I dont need to pay for followers, I don't care about too much more then living well, being happy and being the best me I can be.
Acting, writing, and performance oriented things are what really interest me. I'm a professional actor and thats where I need to keep the focus. That is where I need to be. That is where I want to be.
If I ramble on long enough I usually answer the questions myself. I am an actor, and I should be working. Stardom, fame, things that are all relative. If I give it my all, do my best then it'll all take care of itself!!!