Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas in the South Bronx

    I woke up to find the cover of my motorcycle pulled off and my left mirror broken. Mariel my neighbor told me he and another person had lifted it and put it back on its kick stand. 
     Something was off. I hadn't tied the rear of my cover down. Only the front end. So sometime between 1am and 5:30am some drunk must of lifted the cover decided to sit on the bike and pulled up the stand thinking he could balance her. The bike fell over and he and his friends left her there. You can see where he pissed his pants. 
     All that and the only damage was the mirror. So I know it wasn't personal. Doesn't make me happy but truth is I needed a new left mirror anyway. So I'll get the mirror set and I won't leave her untied again. 
     I'm gonna give Mariel a gift. He's always around to help whenever I need it . One of the good guys in the hood.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Let's start today

     Why wait for the first of the year? Why continue to lie to myself? Why? Why? Why?
     Simply stated, it's all on me. New Years resolutions, commitments goals are all wishful thinking, conjecture till I say it's so. When I finally have had enough.
      Years have gone by. Time has slipped waste fully away. And I allowed it to happen. What means anything is to have gotten up one more time then I've been knocked down. What means something is to not participate in my own destruction. To be there for me. To be there for me!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Pretense of leadership

     Driving a cab for a company is the same everywhere in NYC. You got dispatchers. And without a doubt you'll find that they are some of the most corrupt people in the company. Owners want there money. But the dispatcher wants yours. They get a salary and then they want to suck the drivers dry. Lie cheat and steal. I compare them to Swiss cheese. Full of wholes with no substance. My company is like one big incestuous, maggot pile. The father sons cousins etc. they're South Americans who come from a place where theft rape and murder are so common place that abortions are considered a waste of money. What they don't get is that they'll never be anything else. They're so attached to the crumbs that they never bothered to do anything else. So if they loose there jobs its all gone! I'm not alone in my dislike of them. Just about every driver is disgusted with them. It's just sad that the owners know about them stealing and lying and turns a blind eye. It's said that they steal from him too. No secret, that's why I'm in such dismay. The answer : work elsewhere. Just more of the same shit!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Divorce, yes

I can pretend it was my fault. But it wasn't. I'm me. I'm honest and at times it's to a fault. The fact that she is a redneck and she was raised in a completely racist KKK atmosphere is no lie.
     You know what? I don't even want to go there. I'm glad it's over. It sucked. I didn't like her and I'm so happy it's over I could shit. All over her. I win I'm single and don't have to ever see her again. YESSSSSS!!!!

Monday, September 16, 2013

About mass murder

Something I don't get is murdering innocent people. I don't even know where to start. What I can say is I pray for their souls. And I pray for their families and loved ones. May. They find peace and comfort.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Honesty

How many years can you lie to yourself? Try until your last breath. Now maybe no one will know. But what if that's not so? What if you can go through eternity knowing? If we think 100 years is a long time can you imagine 100 yrs?
     I believe that self honesty is the most significant thing. If in fact we become souls, ideally it would be best to be at peace. 
     There are those who may know and that if only that reason is reason enough to strive for enlightenment. 
     Peace be with you.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

At peace

When you finally are aware of what it is that's caused you to hold that self hate you relax and find peace. Sit with it and enjoy it. It'll be the one time you'll feel comfortable without having the need to take action. See, after that minute you'll know that to achieve it again you'll have to take action and change. You'll have to work and at times work hard. Really hard. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Writing the biography

     At 53 I've finally become an adult. I don't care about anyone in my families bullshit. What I mean is that my life is about me. I matter. Better late then never! 
     I'm finally responsible for me. Any one else is by choice. Not because they're related. I don't owe any one anything unless I decide I do. My mother especially. My brothers and sister have to handle there owe messes. I've always been there to protect them. And they only reach out to me cause they are in need. They make no effort unless they want or need something. 
     A perfect example is my half brother and sister. As soon as they got a little money and job security they cut me out of there lives. Only problem is that they dare both spineless and weak. Never having truly faced hard times as soon as things get tight they'll fold. I make special efforts to avoid my half brother. I helped him on a shoot. And because I was liked by everyone he made sure to tell everyone that I was a junkie who drive a cab to stay high. That he smokes pot all day means nothing. And of less meaning is that I'm clean. 
     I can't change the past but I am the creator of my future. And only those that are a part of the team will play in my game. To those I give my love!
    

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Time to pay up

I'm no saint and lord knows I be done more then my share of fucking up. But I eventually get it. 
     A neighbor, lets call him Jam. 2 yrs ago I warned him not to have this baby with a 17yr old girl while he's in his late 30's.If there was a real relationship and commitment it still wouldn't of had a shot in hell. His Oxys meant more to him. When he got his tax return check for over 5k he bought 2 $900. Wristwatches. He spent a measley $300. On both his baby and the mother. 
     That he's constantly borrowing slices of bread, and cigarettes are a constant. The guy makes over $80.k a year and he can't put in $2. Toward a small pizza pie. I could easily go on and on with his bullshit but the girl finally got smart and served him with papers for child support. She's on welfare in NJ and he makes over 80k and stays over her place and eats her food. It disgust me. 
     And there ain't a fuckin person alive or dead that can say shit to slander me. I would so do anything to have even this young girl over the piece of shit I wound up with!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Clouded mind

Thinking with your dick can lead to plenty of sex, plenty of trouble or both. Lucky it's been sex. 
     If sex were money I'd be a rich man. If my dad weren't so dumb and lazy he would of taught me to pursue money like his father I'd be wealthy like he was. 
     I can kid about all the great sex. But deep down I'd really like to do the things having money can afford you. 
      I'm certain that I don't want to be an old man when I have it. I don't like tour buses much!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Knowings not enough

Having tested 147 i.q. Doesn't mean much when there are powerful dark forces lashing at you. 
     Information is nothing if you can't take actions and having control is minimal. 
     Some times all you have is faith and prayer. Those can be weapons to protect and defend you, your family and all those that you love.

Friday, August 23, 2013

D for Drama

I made the mistake of allowing myself to get caught up in the drama of my life. Truth is, there is none. I just have to finish what I started. There are consequences to many actions in life. When you're at the point where it's time to pay up you pay up! Keep things simple and follow the steps.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Journals lost

Today threw me for a loop. All of my notes on so many of my experiences in the taxi and in life has been misplaced. 
     Nothing I can do about it now but start again. Now will be a time to test my memory. No doubt some things may be lost. New things discovered.