A GENTLE WIND

Death, homocide, murder have been around me my entire life. To think that cops have it tough cause they have to deal with it is the kind of uninformed bullshit that liberal and conservative whites believe. Cops live to murder us. They do it with inpuinity. They get rubber stamped when its one of us. Dont think for a fucking second that I dont know what Im talking about.
As a youth I grew up watching them kill family members, friends and associates. As an adult driving a yellow cab in NYC I watched them kill people in the streets. If I can tall that it was a fucking toy gun you cant tell me that their alleged trained eye couldnt catch it. But its like getting points amoungst themselves when they take the shot that is justifiable cause the perp had an object in his hand.
Now, Im not anti-cop. As long as they do their job I dont give a shit either way. But Ive seen enough abuse and lies to fill Yankee Stadium. And as long as we let the lies persist its us that suffer.
First, be aware that if you make a complaint thbeyre gonna dig for any dirt they can find. Its very upsetting but if you are as clean as I am you have nothing to worry about. If not, then you better be able to live with your past. If you cant then youve lost freom the get go.
I was homeless back in 91 and was staying at the church St. John the Devines on W.111st. On the way home from a meeting one night a group of us witnessed 5 of the churches security beating a homeless man on the churches property. The other more senior members of the group said to not interfere, that we could get thrown out.
Well to make a long story short. When we got up in the morning and left after breakfast the homeless guy was dead. They had beat him, he died and they dragged him to outside the gate and thru his body by a tree on the other side of the gate. It sickened me to know that because I was afraid to lose my bed, a man lost his life.
Ofcourse they covered it up. Even the complaint I lodged with the NYPD was investigated by a drunk Homocide Detective. And he wasnt gonna loose any fucking sleep over a homeless black man.
I cant tell you how my pride and shame played into all of this. But had I an ounce of dignity I would have tried harder. A priest from another church helped me. And it got him transferred to the Pope only knows where.
It was swept under the rug and any self respect I had along with it.
Today, I have finaly forgiven myself and Im aware that it is set up to be a loosing proposition for anyone that isnt going to help further their cause.